How to do roll call

You’re trying to do the class roll call and all you want is a “present” or “here” and you get one of these chestnuts:

“hi”

“what?”

“bonjour”

“huh”

“tutti” (Punjabi for shit)

“goodbye”

“ciao” (inappropriate in a teacher student situation in Italian as well as English)

“here” (delivered in a deep aggressive voice)

“here” (delivered in a moaning voice)

“[Insert student’s name]’s not here today” (delivered by a chorus of students)

“You’re saying it wrong”

“poobum”

“blergh”

“here” (delivered in a high pitched voice)

(long silence, followed by you assuming the student is absent and calling out the next name.) “Sir, Geraldine is here!” (You ask why she didn’t respond the first time and where she is now, because you can’t see her.) “She’s hiding under that pile of cushions while she finds her reading book”

“good afternoon” (when it’s 9am)

“good morning” (when it’s 1pm)

“good evening” (despite the fact you would have never qualified as a teacher if students were going to be present during this part of the day)

“what?”

“hi-diddly-ho”